“When you avoid addressing the infidelity, this sets the hurt partner up for ongoing disappointment, tremendous frustration, and diminished self-esteem,” explains Monika Cope-Ward, a licensed clinical social worker (LCSW-C) in Laurel, Maryland.Ĭope-Ward, who co-founded the couples counseling practice The Relationship Boosters, goes on to say that internalized negative thoughts about the cheating can eventually take over, fueling self-blame and unrealistic thoughts, such as “I should have been better in bed” or “It’s up to me to fix things.” Once infidelity happens, partners who want to stay together must address both the hurt it caused and its underlying reasons. Here’s a look at some of the potential drivers. The explanation behind this reaction to infidelity can be fairly complex, however, and other reasons, whether you consciously recognize them or not, can also factor in. If you want to maintain the relationship, the need to hold on to your partner at all costs may partially drive your desire to connect physically. Engaging in sex you don’t enjoy will usually only make you feel worse. There’s certainly nothing wrong with having more sex or experimenting with new things - as long as you only do so because you truly want to. Perhaps you worry you didn’t excite your partner in the bedroom, so you initiate sex more regularly and offer to try new sex acts you lacked interest in before. Sex that happens with hysterical bonding can also carry undertones of desperation. On the other hand, many people report that, while sex promotes a renewed connection in the moment, this feeling later complicates their misery when unpleasant memories of the cheating resurface. Others describe hysterical bonding sex as intense and deeply emotional. This rekindled intimacy may feel new, different, or unlike sex you had in the past.Īccording to anecdotes of hysterical bonding from infidelity support circles, some people feel as if they’ve returned to the early stages of falling in love, before infidelity and other problems troubled the waters of the relationship. The need to feel wanted can prompt a desire to reconnect sexually. Most people turn to romantic partners in times of distress, so it’s not surprising that emotional turmoil triggers an intense craving for the comfort you know they can provide. It’s not at all unusual to fixate on the affair and wonder what did or didn’t happen between your partner and the other person.Īnother common outcome? Alternating between never wanting to see your partner again and feeling an intense urge to draw closer, willing to forgive anything so long as they choose to stay with you. These unknowns and uncertainties can trigger self-doubt and anxiety about your worth as a partner. You may want to know more about the affair - how it started, why it happened - but feel too afraid to ask. The emotional sideĪfter the initial shock and confusion, many people feel deeply distressed and struggle to regain control over turbulent emotions. It’s normal to experience a range of complicated thoughts and feelings in the aftermath. Infidelity is a betrayal, one that can prove deeply traumatic.
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